just keep swimming swimming swimming...

i'm terribly pathetic. sigh. and i MADE myself pathetic. i really hate myself for still having any kind of feeling about this. yet again, i've been proven worthless. bah.

anyway the headache is back. this time im down with a cough, sore throat and blocked nose too. damn it all!

was supposed to meet up with him today. foolish me, got quite excited bout it, secretly.

but he's too tired so cancelled on me. though i dont really blame him for cancelling, he was awake more than 24 hrs at some hall activity.

but still i really don't know what he means by:

"say yes if people ask if you are attached (to him)"
and
"let's work things out".

giving me false hope because he cant decide if he still wants me around or not? i really don't know. wake up jo, wake up. but my head's foggy. fuccckitttt....

sigh. i'm offering to be here, loving you, inspite of everything, ever-ready, ever waiting here, even though i know that i'm not top priority anymore. but pls, be smart, and give me something to hang on to still?

sigh my head is goddamn stuffy.

headachy.

sticky.

stinky. AAAAHHHH

waiting for mr-hair-long-like-construction-worker to finish work so can share a cab back. (ps michelle, cutting hair liao. wanna join us?) wanted to stay in hall til school starts again on monday, but my cold is givng me a bigbig headache and i'm feelin damn pathetically sick. so if no monkey to take care of me, might as well have sparkie to hug lah. (he just bathed! so fluffy hehe) it's damn sian to be in hall all alone when u're sick. even more sian when u're mad and upset and sick. wtf. when it rains it pours shitloads.

sigh, times like this, u just find yourself seeking supernatural/spiritual guidance. something bigger than yourself, to tell you, hey everything is gonna be ok, and would have the power to really make you feel ok, that it's all meant to be, that this is not the plan in store for me.

so what's the plan?