...Because i just about cant take it anymore
i think i'm suffering from fatigue and entering depression already.
gee, i thought my tolerence level would be able to last longer.
apparently not.
seeing my schedule yesterday, i'm working like every night until sept, then i have a week of no lessons, followed by a whole shitload again until dec...and this goes on and on until april at least, and the big boss has no intention of hiring anyone to help me out until NEXT YEAR.
because i'm on like a perm night shift of sorts, i havent been eating properly because if i do, i cant finish everything on time. and my brain is so tired now that simple calculations require me to sit down and think because i've been on thinking mood the whole entire day, and every day, because of my inexperience i gotta think the whole day about what to do, how to do it so that the expts wont fail.
imagine thrown into the sea if you cant swim. now imagine trying to save pple when you cant swim.
i havent been sleeping because if i do, i miss out on family and bm. and when i sleep, i wake up in the middle of the night in pain because my muscles cramp up.
my creaky knees have been acting up. occasionally now i walk with spasms of pain.
I dont like producing sub-standard work, but i find that no matter how hard i try, i just only have this ability because of the manpower constraints. I cant sit down and perfect an experiment. eveyrhting has to be rushed and corners have to be cut.
...i mean it's just inhumane. even if i'm taking home 2.5k, i would still say it's inhumane. but hey, i only take home about 1.6. so how?
and my boss is leaving, to another country much less, and it will be hard for me to pin him down to get him to write me a referral.
i started the job thinking that i can last 3 years. now i think i have to TAHAN, just to last 1 - not that i dont enjoy the work (i learn a lot), its just that physically i'm deteriorating.
:
arms aching, cant type anymore, gotta bathe and head back to work - on a saturday. so forgive me, if i'm not sympathetic to the words - "think of the people who are earning less" becuase those people arent me, and i'm not them, the work is different and the environment is different.
pui.
so it's back to work, and i only just got home less than 10 hrs ago.
gee, i thought my tolerence level would be able to last longer.
apparently not.
seeing my schedule yesterday, i'm working like every night until sept, then i have a week of no lessons, followed by a whole shitload again until dec...and this goes on and on until april at least, and the big boss has no intention of hiring anyone to help me out until NEXT YEAR.
because i'm on like a perm night shift of sorts, i havent been eating properly because if i do, i cant finish everything on time. and my brain is so tired now that simple calculations require me to sit down and think because i've been on thinking mood the whole entire day, and every day, because of my inexperience i gotta think the whole day about what to do, how to do it so that the expts wont fail.
imagine thrown into the sea if you cant swim. now imagine trying to save pple when you cant swim.
i havent been sleeping because if i do, i miss out on family and bm. and when i sleep, i wake up in the middle of the night in pain because my muscles cramp up.
my creaky knees have been acting up. occasionally now i walk with spasms of pain.
I dont like producing sub-standard work, but i find that no matter how hard i try, i just only have this ability because of the manpower constraints. I cant sit down and perfect an experiment. eveyrhting has to be rushed and corners have to be cut.
...i mean it's just inhumane. even if i'm taking home 2.5k, i would still say it's inhumane. but hey, i only take home about 1.6. so how?
and my boss is leaving, to another country much less, and it will be hard for me to pin him down to get him to write me a referral.
i started the job thinking that i can last 3 years. now i think i have to TAHAN, just to last 1 - not that i dont enjoy the work (i learn a lot), its just that physically i'm deteriorating.
:
arms aching, cant type anymore, gotta bathe and head back to work - on a saturday. so forgive me, if i'm not sympathetic to the words - "think of the people who are earning less" becuase those people arent me, and i'm not them, the work is different and the environment is different.
pui.
so it's back to work, and i only just got home less than 10 hrs ago.
Cheers, jo @ 8:16 AM
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