blue screen of death

**veryveryveryvery long post.

wah lao eh. my laptop is dying on me. it's served me for a loyal 3 years, but i think it's about dying. it's emitting a whirring sound, and i got 1 blue screen of death, a windows error and something bout a kernal fault check.

i think my laptops fan is dying, from dust maybe, so keeps on overheating.

alamak.

how lah like that?

was channel surfing today, and ended up watching the bbc just now (and csi miami now) which was about partying in new york. clubbing in new york is kinda like clubbing in singapore i think - all also need to queue one! but i think, the door bitch more bitchy in NY so harder to get in. so this bbc segment is about how there's a service where they create a persona for u that will allow u to skip the queue and right into the vip section.

so just how do they do it?

u pay them a fee, they will give u ur very own personal body guard and paparazzi. so the clubs think u're a celeb and u get the red carpet treatment. free entry somemore. haha. hows that for a business idea eh? but don't tink it will fly in singapore, our celebraties are artistes and bloggers and everyone knows everyone...hard to bluff lah!

switched over to channel 5 and caught the news summary - general elections are pretty much confirmed with the voting board whatever having to update the eligible voters data base. hahah cool man, my first voting experience. are u excited?

that bit of news was followed by a growth forcast for 2006 by the economic boardwhatevers. ah yes, good times ahead singapore, plus it's elections year!

wow!

and since i'm on a tv binge, i watched oprah winfrey sometime ago, where she interviewed the former mrs mike tyson. the woman to was repeatedly physically and mentally abused by her famous boxer husband - a big man, much bigger than she. so big and strong he was, that he was once the world heavy weight champion in boxing.

he would hit her, and tell her "don't worry i won't leave marks" because he was a professional boxer, he knew how to hit her so it wont leave marks. and this kept going on while to the world, they were a happy couple deeply in love. perfect to the world, when in private, she was woken up in the middle of the night, dragged out of bed in her underwear and beaten, and threatened with death.

when asked why she stayed in spite of it, she said - after every episode, he would always ALWAYS come back to her, crying, begging, apologising showering her with gifts and tears to woo her back. and she would hold him as he cried like a lost child, comforting him and be right back where they started. she finally found the strength to leave after she began to fear for her life.

mike tyson later convicted of raping a beauty queen.

when asked now, on that oprah winfrey show, oprah asked her if she loves/loved him. she replies, that she still loves him. and that she will always love him. and she believe in the good in him, she doesnt blame him for being the way he was, or even doesnt blame him for hurting her - because she feels, that he isnt well. that he is sick, and thus cannot be blamed for his behaviour, and she still loves him.

in first reaction, i would retort "she must be some sick chick with a martyr syndrome". but i guess thats what love is. we can choose to leave, and do the right thing and take care of ourselves everyonce in a while and move on in life - but u cant help but feel a tinge of concern/pity/insertfeelingher for someone u once shared ur life with.

i was never hit before. tho corporal punishment was normal as a child, when grown, i was never hit. as a kid, when i was in primary school, the boys would throw punches and i would return them with as much, if not greater verocity. i've been punched, pushed over and sat on top of, caught in a strangle hold, and slammed against walls. and i have punched, pushed over and slammed into walls in return too. (but never sat ontop of....well, maybe tried to throw a WWF move).

but that was when i was a kid.

kids rough house because, i think, it's what kids do. they don't think, they react. the capacity to reason and differentiate between right and wrong has not yet been instilled in them, because they are but children and have not yet developed the capacity. much like how mike tyson was ill, and behaved like a child with his wife - crying, clinging but not realising the gravity of his actions.

and i think, of course now as an adult (in the eyes of the law, but always a baby to the family), i'm highly fortunate. i've felt the fear of being hit once, but i've never been hit before. i've had more affection than fear. i hope to never fear of being hit.

then now i tink of the movie closer, where julia roberts reveals to clive owen her infidelity. she told him. he responds "is that why u are dressed. were u afraid that i would hit u?". julia roberts responds "it's not the first time i've been hit".

i wonder, is it really that common, so much so that in this scene, when julia roberts is dressed for a quick escape in a situation where she would be greatly antagonizing her husband, so many women around the world, and next to each other in the cinema ... can sympathise and understand and empathise with that very scene, and so importent and poignant that the director feels it should be included in the movie.

i once heard of someone i once knew, but knew of only very distantly, and heard of her sitation thru whispers of concerned friends. i have big ears and i tend to catch things without realising. i heard that she was hit by her bf. and things got so bad, that he broke her nose. and she stayed with him until she couldnt stay anymore.

so when is it the "cant take it anymore" ?

how much is too much?

perhaps, fear is normal. but we have to trust that the ones we love will not hurt us.

so what causes a man to raise his fist, to hurt someone who is physically weaker than he is (i'm not being a sexist, its a biological fact isnt it?), and most probably half his size. and how can someone hurt someone they love? when a loved one is even sick, we get worried and we nurse them to health. why intentionally cause ill?

i have only heard of only 1 of my friends, whose gf gave him a beating after he decided he was going to break up with her. she hit him so hard, he had trouble chowing down food, and drooled a little for the next few days. but thats only because he let her, if he wanted to retaliate he was much bigger and stronger and would most definately win.

somehow, i can understand, how love remains inspite of all the hurt and pain. why ex mrs tyson still loves mr tyson. she will not go back to him, but still loves him and claims she always will - it's charming, romantic, tragic. and oh so persistant. so she, ex mrs tyson, ends of with a pt, which is - she decided that she has had too much, and no one should ever be hit, or fear being hit.

though not every scenario is exactly as dramatic as death threats and broken noses and all that, i wholeheartedly agree. love shouldnt be about fear. - and mr tyson knew how to not leave marks.

haha, and i'm suddenly an idealist.

hmmm. longest entry in a long time. i'll go watch some light hearted nonsense on hbo now. i think it's called Elf, and right now human elf Elf is sitting on a piece of ice to float to new york to find his birth father as a whale waves goodbye to him. hehe. toodles.