the world that is today

I realise with great hilarity that i have yet again been dumped over sms, without even a chance to explain reasonably the factors as to why i am irritated/upset and what not.

I was never part of the relationship. what i was was to be there when you wanted me to be.

u spoke to me.

i comfort you as best as i know how.

it's not necessarily the best way.

but the point is, i was there so you didnt have to be alone.

But why do i have to answer for my words of comfort? this is the case of help and be shot. over and over again.

This is history repeating itself all over again.

Why tell of my words,

and even so,

why the need to question my words.

It is between two. not three. Why say i say, he says she says, and i say never say?

Understand, that i am friends with both sides. and thus therefore HENCE, I see the flaws in both sides. I see the plus points as well. but oh, boy do i see the negative pts because i get a chance to be on the otherside for BOTH parties. I have the unfortunate position of having to listen to what both has to say, such that it is impossible to retain objectivity or choose sides. I can either be candid or frank, or refrained with fear that whatever i say will be back to haunt me...so which would be a more comforting friend to you? What am i worth?

I do not say the best of things, that i realise from long ago. BUT, reflect on the number of times i have told YOU, the party that i am comforting at the moment, off for something that YOU have done to reiterate to YOU what YOU have done wrong. I am but someone who's trying her best. I may slam you, i may slam your aggressor. but if theres a need to slam you, i will.

And yet i am accountable for not choosing sides.

so who is complaining trusting about who?

and why is it that people fail to see that i am friends with both parties, one a longer friendship then the other, and yet in time still do not respect that i need to be reasonable and logical about things rather than be part of a pawn of the game of tit for tat. Had i spoken directly, you could have defended yourself, and provided the reasons why and reasoned it out. After years of friendship, that would be fair. and yet my fallacy is such - i spoke my intetions out loud only to have it repeated such that the news travels indirectly.

so ironically, as the argument is...things never seem to stop getting repeated.

ive been told or placed in circumstances where i have to keep secrets. it's ok if i'm only YOUR friend. But friends with both? betray the other while keeping the promise to another.

I don't know who to trust anymore. And who is telling the truth anymore. one says this, the other says that. and hence, my one failing that i suspect will plague me for a long time to come.
I have always tried to do the right thing, to be where i am needed. but at this point of time, my stead is shaken.

Why is it that these people fail to see the value of my friendship by making me part of the whole game? Wasnt there a thought spared by thinking "hey i shouldnt say this, as this may implicate a friend who has been there for me". or is everything now a no holds barred slug fest that i have unwittingly been made a part of in my foolishly ideal bid to be a friend?

is the whole goddamn world full of the manipulative and the manipulated? Because i've felt like i've been made to be manipulative, but overall terribly manipulated.

But fear not. Things said to me, by either one about the other, will stay with me. i think i have still been able to maintain that line, to the best of my knowledge, have not yet uttered the words "he said this about you".

Heh, just when i said things seem to be going well, looks like this is it. and this happens.

The no holds barred game is hereby left to the two of you.

i withdraw. i was never part of the whole shit in the first place.




fuck it. time for class.

Hootie and the blowfish sings fine line:

"There's a curve in the highway just south of town
Where a man has pulled over to figure life out
With only his conscience and the lonesome sound
Of diesels windin' up the grade

He's got a wife and two kids, they love him so
And a woman down in Georgia, she startin' to show
He's damned if he leaves and he' sure damned if he don't
And he wonders how life got this way

'Cause it's a fine line in between right and wrong
Yeah, he's been crossing over that border way too long
He shoulda seen it comin' at him right from the start
Now there ain't no escape from a broken heart

Now the call of the highway is a powerful thing
Like the pull of a lover or a child in a swing
He gave his heart to two women, only one wears his ring
They're both gonna have his babies now

So how do you confess what words won't explain
He never intended to cause this much pain
Now he feels like a farmer who went prayin' for rain
And got that he bargained from the clouds

And it's a fine line in between right and wrong
Yeah, he's been crossing over that border way too long
He shoulda seen it comin' at him right from the start
Now there ain't no escape from a broken heart

He'll turn his care around tonight
Go home and try to face the truth
Everyone involed's gettin' hurt
And there aint nothin' he can do



He shoulda seen it comin' at him right from the start
Now there ain't no escape, now there ain't no escape
From

A fine line in between right and wrong
Yeah, he's been crossing over that border way too long
He shoulda seen it comin' at him right from the start
Now there ain't no escape from a broken heart

Now there ain't no escape from a broken heart
Yeah they're all gonna wind up with a broken heart
Nobody's getting' out without a broken heart"