What's this thing called love?
*this is a very contemplative post*
I don't believe in love.
Well in romantic love that is.Romantic fairy tale love only exists in movies and perhaps in the early stages of courtship for the very young. No, i don't believe in that, I only believe in understanding, cooperation, mutual support and companionship.
Your lover should be like family. I care about my family. I do whatever i can for them, And make all allowances for them. When the shit hits the fan and they piss me off, i deal with it. And when I piss THEM off, they deal with it to. I pay they pay, we all pay the bills and meals. we do not stop becoming family, or stop talking. no, we gather at the dinner table tomorrow like we always do. Because they are family, and thats what family do. We talk we sort out the major problems, we are dysfunctional in the sense that we have irritations about the other but do not voice them, We do not control them, or try to change them, or discourage them from their dreams. we do not make them feel bad about themselves, we advise where we can, sometimes at our own expense as unselfishly as possible. It's not always about you, it's about for the good of everyone.
That's what I feel i treat my families as. so thats what i treat those i love as.
So in that sense, i would say, that is love, or at least, my version of it. So when i say, yes to you dear reader, that I love you, it is in this way. none of those movie magic bullshit. This is the best kinda love that exists that i believe you can get - the understanding, the patience, the no-strings-attached kind of love. this is what i hope i give, and hope to get. Nothing dramatic or whimsical about it. It's not supposed to be an easy bed of roses, of epic fights, of the "i love yous" and "you're wonderful"s . it shouldnt always be about finding things to do, watching movies, shopping, planning trips. it's just about being there on the daily boring every day grind with working 9-5, paying bills and getting by. it's about trying to be selfless, and patient. it's just not romantic at all. I would not say i have the best values in life, but i would like to think that these value is one that is good and works for me - to treat those that i care about, like how i treat my family.
so without the whole load of bullcrap, i would say i love the people i care about. And with this love, youre also vulnerable to heartbreak, but that's why i say it's love, because you still care about the other parties, and just not THINK about hiding your ownself from this heartbreak.
Though i do not always understand why people do the things they do, I can suppose i can only shrug it of as "it's ur life", but certainly, I am heartbroken when i feel that their choice is not the right one, or one that will stunt their development to greater things, and become a shadow of what they once were.
I can only wish more see the pt of being whole while standing alone and the partner as a bonus to their lives, rather than being unable to function or be happy without that person. But then again, is it because i have never felt the kind of "love" so powerful that i feel like i cannot live without the person? or is it that ive been investing my feelings logically or seeking no returns? I think a major problem with all of us, is that we imagine in our minds eye how we want to be loved, but not how we will love.
what is a need, and when does the want become a need and what spurs it on?
perhaps its in the uncertainty of seeking completeness, that we bark up trees deemed wrong for us. though i suspect the void will not be filled in its seeking.
I really wonder, if the force of this thing called love is really lost on me, that i do not feel an extreme void without the people i say i love as strong and extreme as the movies play it out to be. however, i do know i will feel a real void for hte more stable characters in my life, say, my parents, my sister, the long time friends. i would think my love to be more calm, more methodical and less movie manic. i find myself reacting less, and explaining more. i mentioned to my parents over breakfast - if i sound grumpy over sms and phone over the past weeks or so, it's not because i'm being intentionally rude, but rather i am busy and caught up in things. something like that.
perhaps some may frown, saying that i'm losing the magic of love, but i find magic in cooporation and mutual understanding. the most importent thing to me is friendship. i'm friends with my family, and a blood relation after that. does that make sense? i'm not a dreamer, movie style romance though tear jerking, is not what i feel is applicable in real life. give me stability over drama any day.
I suppose, i'm rather cold sometimes. but i enjoy "caring" for people, rather than "movie-loving" them.
so what's love, to you?
I don't believe in love.
Well in romantic love that is.Romantic fairy tale love only exists in movies and perhaps in the early stages of courtship for the very young. No, i don't believe in that, I only believe in understanding, cooperation, mutual support and companionship.
Your lover should be like family. I care about my family. I do whatever i can for them, And make all allowances for them. When the shit hits the fan and they piss me off, i deal with it. And when I piss THEM off, they deal with it to. I pay they pay, we all pay the bills and meals. we do not stop becoming family, or stop talking. no, we gather at the dinner table tomorrow like we always do. Because they are family, and thats what family do. We talk we sort out the major problems, we are dysfunctional in the sense that we have irritations about the other but do not voice them, We do not control them, or try to change them, or discourage them from their dreams. we do not make them feel bad about themselves, we advise where we can, sometimes at our own expense as unselfishly as possible. It's not always about you, it's about for the good of everyone.
That's what I feel i treat my families as. so thats what i treat those i love as.
So in that sense, i would say, that is love, or at least, my version of it. So when i say, yes to you dear reader, that I love you, it is in this way. none of those movie magic bullshit. This is the best kinda love that exists that i believe you can get - the understanding, the patience, the no-strings-attached kind of love. this is what i hope i give, and hope to get. Nothing dramatic or whimsical about it. It's not supposed to be an easy bed of roses, of epic fights, of the "i love yous" and "you're wonderful"s . it shouldnt always be about finding things to do, watching movies, shopping, planning trips. it's just about being there on the daily boring every day grind with working 9-5, paying bills and getting by. it's about trying to be selfless, and patient. it's just not romantic at all. I would not say i have the best values in life, but i would like to think that these value is one that is good and works for me - to treat those that i care about, like how i treat my family.
so without the whole load of bullcrap, i would say i love the people i care about. And with this love, youre also vulnerable to heartbreak, but that's why i say it's love, because you still care about the other parties, and just not THINK about hiding your ownself from this heartbreak.
Though i do not always understand why people do the things they do, I can suppose i can only shrug it of as "it's ur life", but certainly, I am heartbroken when i feel that their choice is not the right one, or one that will stunt their development to greater things, and become a shadow of what they once were.
I can only wish more see the pt of being whole while standing alone and the partner as a bonus to their lives, rather than being unable to function or be happy without that person. But then again, is it because i have never felt the kind of "love" so powerful that i feel like i cannot live without the person? or is it that ive been investing my feelings logically or seeking no returns? I think a major problem with all of us, is that we imagine in our minds eye how we want to be loved, but not how we will love.
what is a need, and when does the want become a need and what spurs it on?
perhaps its in the uncertainty of seeking completeness, that we bark up trees deemed wrong for us. though i suspect the void will not be filled in its seeking.
I really wonder, if the force of this thing called love is really lost on me, that i do not feel an extreme void without the people i say i love as strong and extreme as the movies play it out to be. however, i do know i will feel a real void for hte more stable characters in my life, say, my parents, my sister, the long time friends. i would think my love to be more calm, more methodical and less movie manic. i find myself reacting less, and explaining more. i mentioned to my parents over breakfast - if i sound grumpy over sms and phone over the past weeks or so, it's not because i'm being intentionally rude, but rather i am busy and caught up in things. something like that.
perhaps some may frown, saying that i'm losing the magic of love, but i find magic in cooporation and mutual understanding. the most importent thing to me is friendship. i'm friends with my family, and a blood relation after that. does that make sense? i'm not a dreamer, movie style romance though tear jerking, is not what i feel is applicable in real life. give me stability over drama any day.
I suppose, i'm rather cold sometimes. but i enjoy "caring" for people, rather than "movie-loving" them.
so what's love, to you?
Cheers, jo @ 11:21 PM
1 Comments:
theres no true love as simple as that.
only drama.
you think the one closest to u really love u?
then think twice.
everything comes with a condition.
u just happen to be of use to them.
yes, cynical but pragmatic.
i'll choose stability anytime over drama.
P.
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